the chef

Lou updating this blog with a refreshing positive.
While spontaneously perusing craigslist, one ad catches my eye:

Glass of wine, some tapas and then a movie? (Battery Park)

---

Meet me for a chilly glass of vin gris, some little bites of food and then possibly a movie if we make it that far.

Me: Fit, healthy, employed(chef) and amazing company
You: The same, except for the chef part

It never hurts to try and do something different so write back if you are interested. Please send a pic, too. It's only fair. Cheers!


I thought to myself, what the hell, go for it. I write back and the emails begin. He is a personal chef, once executive chef for a restaurant that specialized in BBQ. We send back grainy pictures of each other and do the usual 'what do you do for fun, what do you like, etcetera.
I discover he became a chef from being inspired from his grandmother who was a chef and had an organic sustainable farm for over twenty years. How cool is that? :)
I call him a few days later and our conversation freely flows. I close my phone and look at the talk time. It shows 1:34:09....

However it all comes down to chemistry, right? I wasn't trying to put any expectations in my head because I just didn't want to jinx it. We arrange to meet at Von, he asks to meet at 10. I initially get a little irritated because its a bit late for a Thursday meeting but suck it up because I don't want to doom a date before its begun. I get out of the cab and he he waiting outside for me. Definitely a cutie, thin framed, conservative yet stylish- denims, black sweater with button down and some killer sneakers with green detailing. His hair was short and subtly spiked to make a little mohawk if you noticed. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and an embrace which made me smile. Von was way too crowded so I suggested we walk to Botanica. (predictable? yes I am).

I asked about his day went and what he prepared for dinner and he replied "well, my clients said they will have two guests tonight, so when I got there, I am surprised to see Donald Trump and his wife at the place. I was pretty taken back since its like my third meal I've done for them"
Ha, I am no celeb-obsessed fan but I would definitely want to see Donald's coif in person.

The night started a bit quiet, and I couldn't decipher if he wasn't interested or if he was just nervous. But as we spoke more, he began to open up. We spoke of Paris, foods, movies, green, music.... nice and comfortable.

We decided to walk back to Von because he wanted to check it out so we had our third Stella and Bass while discussing our love for Oscar Peterson and all the jazz greats. We had a sweet kiss in the bar, I mention I loved the song playing but didn't know the name. Its a Nina song and he replies "oh, its called Lilac Wine" (impressed. yes I was.) I say to him, oh, great..don't let me forget that..

We walk to the street, kiss once more before the cab drives me home. I get a text moments later that that writes:

"Goodnight pretty smile, lilac wine is the song"

Dissappointed for the Last Time

I've been slipping on my blog posts... work has been crazy and my rent proves to pay for a roof over my cats head more than mine since I am rarely home these days.

Last night I learned that getting let down by a guy who is a friend hurts a HELL of a lot more than these random guys that we go out on dates with that become mere blips on our radar. Getting let down by friends in general just... it just fucking sucks and stings and creates different emotions.

So check it.

I've considered this friend of mine worthy of keeping around after he started acting flaky over the course of the past year. We've been friends for around 4 years, and looking back, I'd say he's been a flake for more than half of that time... so frankly, I'm happy that it's over.

He has a job which requires him to travel, and in the process he's made it clear that a number of his friendships have been severed because he just don't have the time. He also has a girlfriend that he's needed to breakup with for months now, because she doesn't deserve the little bit of time that he DOES have.

Basically, he has been that friend that I see once every six-eight months. And in between come the apology phone calls, and the calls that cancel plans that have been made the day of, and the "aw... okay. well i'll call you and we will DEFINITELY get together next week! i promise" call that never comes.

Yesterday he resurfaced again. And like every other time, I gave in and said to myself "yea, he's probably gonna cancel... but he seems like he really needs an ear, and he seems as if he's REALLY back this time, so sure i'll meet him" so I agreed to meet him at my local bar. I took a car home from work and as promised, I called him and told him I was in transit. He said that he was too. "whoa!" i thought to myself... I'm actually going to get to see him! He's on his way too!... so then I arrive at the bar and I send him a text that says "Im here" and he replies back "en route"....

I order myself a beer. 1/2 of it's gone and it's 10 minutes later. I regret not having a periodical of some sort, because I'd much rather look like the weirdo who comes to a bar and reads in the dark rather than the girl who looks like she got stood up.

15minutes now. Beer is gone. Asked if I want another... "sure" i say... I keep checking the door hoping that Ill see a tall figure with an apologetic face walk through... i'd act pissed but then punch him in the arm and tell him it's okay.

1/2 of the second beer is gone. At this point, I am getting angry and I start texting my friends. 50 minutes now and beer all gone, I say fuck it and leave. I walked my block home pissed. The moment I get on my stoop, I get a text from him that simply says "....", followed by a phone call.

me: hey! (sarcastic and pissed hey, of course)
him:..........h..e..y. yea.
me: yea
him: yea... so. where are you?
me: actually, im keying in to my apartment. i left. where are you?
him: park and vandy (street corners near the bar)
me: oh ok. thats nice.
him:...aaah. god. well so much for having fucked up friends huh? i fucked up
me: yep.
him: okay. well i'll talk to you later?
me: whatever dude... i don't even know what to say. take care of yourself.

Then i went upstairs and got even more pissed. No apology from him. No explanation. No nothing. But this time, the more I think about it... I'm happy that he didn't explain, or apologize. Because if he did, Im sure I would have forgiven him like I always do. So I'm grateful that he didn't say a damn thing this time.

...I couldn't help but wonder what happened though. Was he still at home when he typed "en route" but lied?

Then I have to stop myself... because this was just the icing on the cake. I've never been stood up before. Not even by any past online dates. It's the ultimate diss. It just hurts even more because I'm angry that he threw our friendship away. He wasn't just some *guy* to me.... he was my friend. And friends don't do that.

He sent me a text 20mins later that said: "sorry i've been a shitty friend, g'night"

and i replied:
"im not quite sure what to say other than i just cant set myself up for disappointment anymore. i'm around. call me when you're life settles. i'm around"

i regret typing the last three sentences. i should have stopped at the first. but of course that was the part of me talking that really DOES hope he comes around one day... but after a long bitching session with my lady lou, and with scientist... i've decided that i'm NOT going to allow him to stir up my life anymore and ask to make plans only for them to be canceled.

on another note...

i have still been seeing the scientist. and i guess i haven't written much or talked about it because i don't want to jinx a seemingly good thing. we've been hanging out for around a month now, i guess (that seems about right...i actually met him for the very first time the day that my grandmother passed away, and that was over a month ago now).

at first i was hesitant because we didn't seem to have a thing in common, but could some how talk about things for hours. i knew i always looked forward to seeing him, but couldn't figure out why. i've lost count of how many times we've enjoyed one anothers company at this point. i guess we're beyond the "oh god, is he going to call me after the second date" stage... we talk every night on the phone and email throughout the day and it's all becoming a nice routine. i kinda can't imagine not talking to him at this point. and i've gotten to learn a thing or two about enzymes and proteins, and all of the grants that he's writing to pursue his research. he has no clue what i'm talking about when i talk about redesigning pages, or stories changing, etc etc. but somehow we learn from one another and even if we don't *get it... we try to, and it becomes another conversation where we learn something new.

some friends met him, and they all really like him. and he also really likes who he met, and even threatened to beat up a guy who was being an asshole to lou last friday.

so yea... i am taking it one day at a time, and i am definitely in-like. he is going to california for a week and i'm going to miss him. this dude doesn't have a cell phone and will be in the mountains and will be off of the grid for a week.

a few weeks ago, he showed up at my door with flowers and lamb chops and made me a delicious dinner. and he's offered to build me a shoe rack from scratch (he accidently saw my closet). i'm very weird when it comes to accepting things from dudes, so i've been declining, but he said he's going to just show up with it because he wants to make it for me when he gets back...

i'm a happy lady. so far he's just proven to like me, and care about me. and i am putting my defensive "oh god, how is he going to be an asshole, or fuck up, or hurt me" gaurd down for the moment, and i'm just enjoying it as much as he seems to be enjoying me.

the photographer

One Saturday night six ladies ventured to a lovely little dive called the Brooklyn Social. The bar that was happily populated with ratio of men to women being prob. 4 to 1. The first guy I met was absolutely adorable, he had blonde curly hair, a great smile, and one of those boys you assumed would be from Colorado or something.... until I found out that he was 21. ;( too bad for me... Sigh, no wonder he was so charming, he wasn't tainted by the dating scene of this crazy city.
Later I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. When I get out, I find out that every one of the ladies that I arrived with were connecting with a guy. Not wanting to step on anyone's "game" I sat at the bar and ordered a beer. I noticed a cute boy staring but neither one of us made that first move. So I sipped my lager, looked to my right: Ellie D chatting with an oh-so-hottie and to my left was a quiet, non-threatening looking male, (Sex In the City reference- He was definitely a Skipper.) But, I am not so hot either because no one is chatting it up with me, so I decide to just start a conversation for the sake of conversation.

I say: "hey, how are you doing?"
him: "Not good, I met this girl tonight and I really liked her but I don't think she liked me
much because she left"

I sigh.. because I immediately think "do I want to spend my night listening to this poor soul talk about his self esteem issues? not so much. "

The cute guy that never made the first move, smiled at me because he
A. heard the conversation and
B. prob. knew what was going through my mind because he then sits next to Skipper, talks to him for a minute then somehow we just start a conversation. Five minutes later, Skipper gets up and leaves. Thus begins my introduction to the photographer.

He is suprisingly my age (I always meet guys older for some reason). He was funny, complimentary, and so entertaining that we closed down the bar. He calls me on Monday and we decide to meet up on Wednesday to meet for drinks, possibly dinner. I am a little hesitant because I am not quite sure if he would be as cute as I though (never know with beer goggles) but as soon as I walk into the bar, I remember him instantly and smile because he is actually cuter then I remembered him! We instantly just get each other, laugh, smile, chat. I have to admit its been a while since that has actually happened.
It would honestly be perfect except there is on red flag. Kind of a major one. He just got out of a 6 year relationship about three months ago and he was staying in Brooklyn with a friend because his ex whom he lives with him is moving out in a month. ugh.
And so we discuss it, he is open about telling me about his ex and tells me they were fighting for the last two years (yaddy yadda.. )they finally break up and he is now just starting to meet new people. He isn't being sleezy about it but refreshingly very honest. He did say "I am not looking to get into a relationship (duh, obviously) but I think we really have a lot in common and I would love to get to know you but if you meet someone else, I totally would understand..."
So I know its good that he is being honest, and if I just wanted to have fun, he would be the perfect guy for that, but I actually do want a relationship and my fear is that what would I do if I really start liking him? I am definitely not going to be a rebound chick, hells no.

Later that night we go to another bar and play some pool. We are having a great time, laughing, smiling, chatting and eventually kiss (yum, great kisser btw). When the clock strikes twelve, we decide to call it a night and he walks me to my apartment. We have one of those super passionate five minute make out sessions and then eventually say our good-byes.

SO I need you opinions please. What do I do? Should I even bother seeing him again because there is no point, or do I keep going out with with him seeing no light at the end of the relationship tunnel......?

update

i'm glad i trusted my gut, and didn't write the other two guys off, because the main contender, Mr. Front Runner, dropped the ball last night in a spectacular display of flaky inconsideration.

so what did he do? here goes. during our date last wednesday, i invited him to be my guest at what was inarguably the hottest art event of the season, taking place last night. this is a ticket that everyone i know was asking for, and i invited him. when i woke up and saw it on the front page of the arts section yesterday, i was so excited that i'd be showing up with this handsome man, blah blah blah.

around 230 i leave him a voicemail asking where he'd like to meet. i then go about my extensive grooming routine, growing increasingly apprehensive as the hours tick by and i hear nothing. finally, at 5 o'clock, two hours before the event begins, i get an email from him, basically saying that he's exhausted and drained and not up for it, and can we make a date for another time?

are you kidding me?

seriously?

of course i don't reply, and call my friend kate who is more than happy to join me. i think that maybe once he realizes that he hasn't gotten a reply, he'll call, just in case, you know, i'm not near my email and never got the message. just so, you know, i don't think i'm being stood up.

no.

no call.

i'm washing my hands of this one.

but i have a date tonight with the scouser (that's slang for resident of liverpool, dontchaknow), and one on thursday with the photographer. so yeah, moving on.

men!

the latest from lady

(excerpted from my latest blog entry)

so i dove back into dating, first trying craigslist, then moving on to the much more satisfying and rewarding nerve, and after a few hiccups (the crazy, manipulative lawyer being more of a temporary coma than a hiccup, but whatevs), i found myself with a very full dance card.

this now leaves me in an interesting and not altogether unenviable predicament. i'm currently dating three men. one of these men is definitely leading the pack, and as is my wont i'm feeling like letting the others loose in order to devote all of my energy and hot-damn sexiness to the one main contender. but here's the rub: i've done that before, and found all of my farm-fresh eggs thrown into very unworthy baskets. beyond that, despite his clear interest in me, and what i took to be an intimation that he's not interested in either of us seeing other people, he's still up on nerve every night and just today has updated his profile a bit. so if he's all about the Lady, what's that aboot?

i'm trying to chill the eff out, not get paranoid, and not expect too much too soon (these are all unfortunate tendencies of mine, stemming from insecurities that despite 8 years on the couch still seem so hard to shake). i want to just have fun with him right now, and damn is he fun. the sex is amaze, we have an absurd amount in common (he's basically the male version of me), and he's been very attentive and gentlemanly in all the best ways - for goodnessakes, he's even talking about taking me on a weekend jaunt to chicago.

but i still feel like i should keep seeing the other two very worthy, handsome, smart, funny, and nice men, if only to keep myself from falling headfirst into something of which i'm still not super secure. i just don't want to feel like i'm using them or leading them on.

advice on this is more than welcome.

Headlines

Happy Monday morning, everyone. I was just browsing my nerve's "who's viewing me?" listings and thought I'd share with you some of these headlines. (the good, bad and the ugly)

good (these were really great):

low tolerance, huge capacity

your friendly neighborhood scientist

mutual seduction, admiration....and the art of kissing.

If you were from mars, that'd be cool



bad (enticing? mm... I think not so much):


Glamorous nymph with an arrow and bow

waiting for the spaceship to pick me up...

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law

Full of Emptiness


ugly (lol, wow):

Let me first fail to impress you but later rock your world

New & Improved!...FREE OFFER!...Act NOW!!

Song that puts me in the mood: "AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long."

The Nice Guy

So.... when I said I "*retired from dating" that asterisk meant I retired from the Nerve personals. Mr. nice guy I met from Myspace. I was just regularly checking to see if any of my friends contacted me and up popped a message from Mr. nice guy. He was cute, teddy-bear features and his friends looked pretty normal, so I figured, why not, lets chat. The emails were funny, cute, witty and I think we conversed back and forth for almost a week? Then he asked me if he could call me (loved that he took his time and contacted me the right way (emails, phone, then ask me for a drink... I mean what's the rush, right?? :) and we spoke for a bit then decided to meet at my local dive. When we did meet, I am sure I was still jaded from all the past crazy dates because when I saw him, I wasn't so into it and so I just wrote it off. It was a "nice" date, but to me, just lukewarm because it was just oksy convo and unfortunately so loud that we had a hard time communicating. However , the one thing that crossed my mind was "hmm, he's a nice, normal guy, maybe I could like this guy?"

The next day, I woke up and thought about the situation. He was nice, but nothing amazing so I just got over it and decided to write him off. But he kept writing and I kept writing back. He went out of town this weekend so I didn't hear from him till today...

Today he texts me and we finally meet up in soho because I needed to get my sister's bridal shower gifts and he just "happened to be in the neighborhood". I figured, well, this is a non-threatening guy and why not? Well, this spontaneous date went amazingly! Seeing him in daylight, I thought he was much cuter, great taste in the shades (sunglasses), he had rayban squared aviators (classic, clean) and just was more confident. We had lunch, I learned more about him, and then he proceeded to run all around soho with me looking for presents. We laughed, flirted, walked...quite the quintessential New York date. :) I just laughed to myself because I didn't even notice these things about him the first time we hung out... such a nice surprise.
Oh, it was great too because he knew soho like the back of his hand, and since I am absolutely horrible with directions, it worked out so efficiently. Agent Provocateur, Crate and Barrel... we did up soho like a bonified couple. Lastly we shared a glass of wine at B Bar and doodled on the table (there was paper on the table tops). Since I was leaving for the weekend (my sister's shower) he asked if we could see each other soon, I said "sure, when were you thinking?" he goes after a thought, "how about tomorrow?" I immediately was surprised and said "tomorrow??" and he just got red and said "sorry, I know, that was probably too forward! Just forget I said that". That was too cute for me, and of course I gladly said I would love to. He walked me back to the subway, and during out walk, we kissed on a quiet, non-trafficed street. It was one of those moments that was so sweet and as we parted, I smiled all the way back home with a little happy skip in my walk. I actually had such a nice, great date with this dude! Hopefully dinner tomorrow will be just as nice....